Woman Penis

I was getting out of the shower and looking at myself in the mirror at my moist nekkid body and was liking what I saw. I was remembering my high school to early twenties days, when I was rail thin. My chest was as flat as a board. Girls wouldn't give me the time of day. I was always the funny clown guy, who had the comical body to match. Look at me now though, I was thinking. I have filled out quite nicely over the years. I don't exercise a ton, but I'm not fat. I'm 6'4 and weigh 195 -- that's pretty good right? I'm looking at myself and thinking, wow man, you actually have some nice pecks, a decent face, you keep yourself shaved and groomed, you have some cash in your pocket now and have a fabulous weenie! I might actually be at a time in my life where chicks are checking me out. You sir are a handsome son of a bitch!

Then, exit stage left. I turn to leave the bathroom, take one last look at my fabulous self in the mirror, and, god damn it! Look at those man tits! I don't have pecks. I have cottagy, floppy, white disgusting tits. And, holy fucking shit! Is that a poochy gut forming, or am I four months pregnant? How the hell did this happen? Where, between lanky youngster and filling out nicely in my 30's -- did I skip right to doughy-out-of-shape-mid-life-crisis piece of pooh? Still though, a pretty good weenie.

Women are always complaining. You men don't have to deal with half the shit we do. You don't have to get pregnant, you don't get cellulite in your ass, you don't surf the crimson tide and you don't have to worry about losing your looks as much-- blah, blah, blah, waa, waa waa. I say bullshit to that! You don't know what it does to the male psyche to deal with these man tits, always wondering if women are snickering at you as they walk by, or younger, stronger men looking at you and thinking to themselves, "I hope I never get tits like that when I'm in my 30's."

You don't get woman penis! I think if you did, you would then understand.

You're tits might get a little saggy, your ass a little bigger and your labia somewhat flappy, but those are all parts you are still supposed to have! To me, woman tits are always good, no matter what shape they come in. I'm as likely to peek down the blouse of an overweight woman as I am down a 27 year-old stacked beauty. I don't discriminate in my pervertedness. And, believe it or not, men still look at women as they are aging and changing, and we are thinking, "I'd still hit that sweet thang, flappy labia and all!" Women though, look at an aging man who hasn't been able to keep consistent in the gym as pathetic disgusting slob.

I would say that I'm getting back to the gym, but who am I kidding. I'm just going to get a boob job.