My Shit don't Stank!

When I walk into my office restroom to take care of some urgent business and it already stinks like someone just dropped a week's-worth of festering Taco Bell, Hot Pockets and Starbucks -- even if I'm all alone, I immediately leave and come back once the air is cleared. It's not so much that the foul smell offends me so greatly, but that I don't want to mistakenly receive the blame for the stench if someone else happens to walk in as I am leaving.

Let's face it, if you walk into a stinking bathroom and see one of your co-worker's leaving, you will forever associate festering stench with that co-worker. You can't ever look at him the same again in meetings, you can't eat any of the chips from the same bowl he has grabbed from -- you can't listen to him in a hallway conversation without the image of his grunting, grimacing face, and cold beads of sweat dripping off the tip of his nose, and the sounds of farts echoing through your brain. He was once a fine colleague whom you admired, but is now a disgusting and unsanitary slob who you have lost all respect for.

Don't let this happen to you! If you find yourself making a stink in the stall, and someone happens to walk in, lift your feet while he takes care of his business so that he can't identify you, because if you are like me, and you get a whiff of that smell, you automatically peek under the stall so that you can match the shoes with the stench later on in the day. Then, it is important that you get the toilette flushed, hands washed and sneak back to your desk without being noticed. Maybe swing by the copy machine on your way back, so that you have an alibi --

"hey, just got back from using the copier, did I miss anything?"

"I'm thinking I should probably go to the bathroom before this long meeting I have, since I haven't gone at all today."

If there was even the slight chance that they were thinking you may have been the perpetrator of an evil stench, those suspicions are erased.

See how slick that is? Career suicide avoided.

You're welcome!